And Then There Were Three

Last Saturday, I promised to blog about this. So groupies (you know who you guys are), I'm not going to let you down.

It's Friday night, and normally, I'd post about my crises of the week, like my surprise Lit13 test or draining debate training, but tonight, tonight, let me speak about something close to my heart.

Hmm.. when you graduate from high school, the reality of it all doesn't hit you yet. You're going to college, leaving ICA for good, and some people you'll never see again. Maybe on that night, I didn't feel it as much as I should have. Graduation was simply a momentary separation, kind of like waving goodbye to your classmates at the end of a school day, knowing that you'll see them again soon. I guess that one of my biggest regrets is that through 4th year, I don't think I got to spend as much time as I would have wanted with my best friend or my barkada. Thank God Wyatt isn't leaving, but it's today that I really feel that my research group isn't complete anymore. :(

Last June, Resa left. I didn't realize it fully back again, probably because from a high school hangover, that it's simply the end of the day. Just the other day, as I was rushing to read some gay theories for Filipino, and I managed to encounter Resa in YM (thank heavens for modern technology! :), and despite the brief conversation, I was really glad to hear from her again. It made me remember all the good times and helpful talks we've had, and you can't imagine how much I admire her spirit and utmost brilliance. So, Resa, hang in there, girl, we'll be waiting for you when you come back. :)

One was bad enough. And today, I had to face it all over again.

TR always had the strongest spirit among us. So it really came as no surprise to me that she wanted to go abroad (Australia, to interact with the kangaroos ;p), attend a school without knowing anyone there, and going against her father's wishes. Tonight, despite her dad's still in-denial state, she's finally leaving.

As much as possible, I don't want to get sappy over her departure (but then, TR, you're porbably used to my drama, right? *winkwink*), but I really can't help feeling sad because of the spaces she's leaving in my life. Things like our Monday-Wednesday meetings or our Tiendesitas/MarketMarket shopping trips will always be fond memories. And the comfort I felt whenever I was with her is irreplaceable. She was sarcastic, and I'll never forget her dry humor, but I knew that deep down, she really cared. In other words, TR, you're really a softie inside. :)

I'm going to miss you, TR! Know that you'll do fine over there. Along the way, I bet you're going to learn a lot of new things, most of all stuff about yourself, and you're coming back here and you're going to amaze us all. :)

Sadness, yes. But as Kahlil Gibran said in his book, The Prophet:

"When you part from your friend, you grieve not;

For that which you love most in him may be clearer in his absence, as the mountain to the climber is clearer from the plain."

And then, there were 3.

Friday Sabow-ness

*Word of the moment: sabow - combination of sabaw (soupy) and sabog (uhrm... blown-up? exploded? -_-'), 2 terms commonly used to describe a state of feeling confused, tired and lost; this new word is credited to my funky blockmate Sab :)

Some sabow moments with my block, only on Fridays:

Sasha: Let's fly! I want to fly!

Sab: ...And then I saw this HUGE chocolate donut, and it was calling out to me!

Je: (listening to Sab) Yeah, in this seductive voice: "You know you want me..."

Franz: "Soaring..." (with accompanying dance steps of High School Musical...)

Anne: (BIG grin) Hence, on! Hence, on!

Impy: Think, think, how to draw a perfect circle...

Sasha: I need a hug! Hug me!

Sab: Grabe, I'm sooo... sabow! Eheste... sabaw... sabog... ah basta sabow! (*thus, a new word is born!)

Me: I haaate Botany! *sigh* -_-'

See? Nothing but a normal, sabow-y Friday for a bunch of Comm majors.

Watch Out! -_-'

It's Friday night, and again, I came home late because I had debate training. It usually ends 6:30-7pm; Friday night traffic sucks, and tonight, the rain came out in full force. You can just imagine the looong car ride from Katipunan to San Juan. Might as well catch up on some zzz's on the way home.

Don't get me wrong, I'm actually enjoying adjudicating; no, this isn't a sarcastic remark, although coming up with wrong decisions ("wrong" as in different from my trainer's choice) does make me feel guilty and a little incompetent. No matter, that's what trainees do, right? And I can honestly say that whatever happens during training, be it confusing/weird/funny speeches, it never gets me in a bad mood.

So why am I so taray every Friday night, right when I come home?

I can't stand too much/ too loud noise; I can't stand slow-moving or slow-reacting people; I can't stand looking at my Botany lab manual for more than 10 seconds. And if I am confronted with any of the aforementioned, expect a short, clipped, biting remark or an annoyed gesture (usually consistent with carelessly throwing things across the room - this applies to my manual, btw). It's like encountering a got-up-on-the-wrong-side-of-the-bed PMS-ing teenager: You'd better get out of her way as fast as you can.

Maybe it's because it's the end of week. Maybe it's because I'm on the verge of a hell that's soon to come, especially when your schedule for next week consists of 3 tests and countless useless papers.

Maybe it's because I'm wondering (again) why I'm studying when all I really want to do is sleep and read romance novels.

Numb

When I first started a blog, my brother advised me to make sure that I updated it often. Maybe back then, my initial reactions were 1) It's my blog and no one's going to tell me how to go about it and 2)Of course! How hard could it be? I'm just overflowing with emotion! ;p

Hmm...3 months and only a few blog posts later, I'm learning that 1)I think I want to post more and 2)It's not that easy after all. -_-'

Yes, it's simple to be EMO (*that's my word-of-the-moment, btw...lately, everyone seems to be using it!* :O ), but the stuff I want to put in my blog is about the emotions that I want to share. And lately, there hasn't been much.

Don't get me wrong, I'm getting lots of free time in college, plus more hours to slack off. But I can't help but feel like a mechanical toy, going through the tireless motions of a regular school week: Botany Lab on Mondays (yuk!), Math and Filipino on Tuesdays/Thursdays, half-day Wednesdays, and debate on Fridays. There's the agonizing weekend spent doing projects and homework, then it's back to the way things were. Sometimes, this routine makes me feel like hiding from the world and just going to sleep. -_-'

And to think that routine would make things feel right, feel familiar. But it hasn't. In fact, all the more I grope, seeking the one thing that feels like home.

Till then, I'll be working, blindly doing what I'm told and what I have to do. Through the flurry of low test scores, hectic major projects and killer on-the-spot quizzes, I think I'll just be numb.

POSTSCRIPT: Just to lighten the mood...
*Word of the moment: EMO ;p
*Foodgasmic Alert: Peking Garden's Golden Prawns dipped in Salted Egg. Yummmmmm!!! :) :) :) Actually reminds me of Zong's Fried Chicken, which I think is similarly prepared, but I never got to try it again :(